Sad Windows

Do you want to know what i wish for? Sometime i wish i can just get out of myself and take a good look and say "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!"... Crazy right. But im sure you can imagine what its like to be bombarded with thoughts that sometimes just does not feel right. I remember writing in a poem once about my mental tantrums and thinking that one day it will stop. Especially as i get older. It's not as constant as it once was, but i think as i got older i learned how to tuck it away in an inactive corner of my mind. Someone pointed something out to me the other day... He said my eyes look so very sad. He said i smile a lot, but my eyes.... they look so sad... as if i am hiding something. I've become aquatinted with this man as of recently and have not conversed with him much. But for some reason he felt compelled to tell me this...and when he revealed what it was... i cried because he knew. Only he has ever spoken those secrets to me, but i resisted with all my force to keep it hidden... but not deep enough to keep it from my inner being...

"SHUT THE FUCK UP" is all i wanted to say to myself. There went my mental tantrums and so i did from myself. But he knew. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Some have a clear view of what lies behind the windows. Behind a Magritte-esque window these mental tantrums are throwing bricks, screaming loud, and tearing every bit of memory limb by limb. But the bricks does not leave a scratch on the window, the screaming is as silent as a dream and the memories, well...they remain scattered, but the scattered pieces remain within the room behind a window that tells the story of my sad eyes.

open my eyes to what lies within
Peace and Understanding
Aaza