She Walks with Polar Bear and I

10 yrs ago, my spiritual teacher bestowed a name upon me...Nin'Aaza El... From what i had gathered, the egyptian meaning is something to the effect of "from the heavens". My spirtitual teacher gave me a second name a few months later, in which i have never used or trully acknowledge. In my awareness of imageries and shadows, and light, and emotions, and the progression of the self, i encountered a new form that now walks along with my polar bear and i.... While taking a shower, i noticed an outline that was formed by the water drops... It surprised me, as the form was so clear and precise... without flaw. Today was a trying day for me emotionally... I contemplated on my trials today and for the first time, called my mother and expressed my emotional somberness... This conversation is usually reserved for a friend that would not critic me, but for some reason today, i opened myself to my mother.... vulnerable to any criticism that she may have, i let it out... surprisingly she comforted me and opened my eyes to the me that was already there and is now blossoming.... The figure that i saw on my shower curtain was a figure of a woman with a feather on her head.... As i said before, when you pay attention to imageries and such, you will track all the trails that you've put out for yourself.... I couldn't immediately think of any image that i could relate this form to, so I did a research of a woman with a feather on her head, and came across the Egyptian Goddess Ma'at... The second name my teacher gave me... Ma'at Kha Re...


Open your eyes to light and form
Read up on Ma'at

Peace and Understanding
Aaza

Creative Block.... U M***** F**** Revisited

Well holly mary mother of jahosavet!!!!!! Guess what folks? They didn't like dudes layout!!!! And you know what, i was quite upset about it.... I actually got to chill with Q, and was feeling his work... Kewl person.... always great to bond with like minds.... So i have to defend the creative mind and say "Down with group structure, Down with Totalitarianism over the creative mind, Down with Mediocracy........... ANARCHY!!!!!!!!!!


OK... lets be french for a bit.... VIVE LA REVOLUTION!!!

DO NOT RESUSCITATE

WARNING: When a living entity/energy dies for a certain amount of time, DO NOT RESUSCITATE. There is no telling what form of energy you will be bringing back. There are reasons as to why any form of energy no longer sustains life to serve whatever purpose it was meant for... one can assume that it lived out its purpose and it is awaiting a new form to take its place. When energy dies, do not try to bring it back. You will only be hindering yourself from a more dynamic force that is waiting to assume its position.... You will only be breathing in lifeless oxygen.... When that energy that you once knew dies, remain in a mental state of SHAVASANA for a while.... for in this state you've reached the final state in which you begin to let go so that you can start your next cycle rejuvenated with a new form of energy...

... A bit somber

After spending a glorious fathers day weekend with my daughter and her dad, O, i woke up today and realized how much i miss my family.

Another British Invasion*

The British are coming, The British are coming... and yesseree bob, the British are here!!! Lets track back to oh... the 1960's... A decade when the world was in such a psychedelic state, that quote, "If you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there." Thank you Mr Paul Kantner.... but i'll tell you who WAS there.... Yes ladies and Gentlemen.... "I wanna hold your hand"!!!!! aaaaaahhhhhhhh.... The Beatles, Cat Stevens, Bee Gees, Black Sabbath, Fleetwood Mac, Dusty Springfield, David Bowie, Elton John, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Zombies, The Who, and the ever so youthful, The Rolling Stones.... and the list goes on and on and on.....

Enter... the 00's...(c'est très ooohh la la), The Brits are here again my non british lads... with Artists like Amy Winehouse, Lillie Allen, Mika, Bloc Party, The Noisettes, Jamiroquai, James Blunt topping the charts, makes ya kinda wish that those psychedelic hay days were still around to fully enjoy another round of a less commercialized and probably less influential British invasion. Shoot... With Amy Winehouse's Beehive, we might as well "slap on some shades, roll a doobie and go dancing in the streets.... ya dig.. yeah, that's groovy..."

Creative Block... u M***** F******

Life is.....Frustration!!!!! Arrrggggh

Ok, so being in a Graphics/Communication industry can be quite frustrating... Almost like working as a stock broker... Well maybe i shouldn't go that far. From what i hear, a stock brokers life expectancy is pretty darn slim. Im in this for the long haul... the long stressful, yet stimulating.... haul..... but cot-damnit, being a self trained female graphic designer in a competitive male dominated industry has been a bit strenuous on my esteem.

I recently took on a graphic job that is making me want to crawl under a rock... I knew i should not have taken it.

Note: Should always go with your gut feelings.(life lesson for the day)

I created a layout,
1st draft... a no go...
its kewl... not a prob...
2nd draft... ehhh, try another one... thats fine. let me see what i can pull up...
3rd draft.... uhhh, how bout we bring in another designer!!!!!!!!
What!!!!!!

So i'm collaborating with the designer. Ever saw that movie "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt, when she walks into Alan Alda's office with her comp and he pulls out a comp that Mel Gibson's Character did and his was better?.... well her reaction is basically what im going through! U M***** F*****. He created a layout and although a bit crushed....just a bit.... that he created a whole new look, i have to admit, his was better.... sigh

So after i kissed "dudes" ass for doing a better job, what do i do? Thats right folks, call on the people who i know will build my self esteem back up!!!! Which was a good thing, because while i was going through my list of pumper up'ers, my manager came to my desk just for small talk and for some reason i decided to let him in on how my day was going. After the whole shpill about burning my hand with the iron, running out with no phone and no money, and oh yeah this whole creative block crap, he asked to see the layouts, ... Surprisingly, he said, even though some elements render better in "dudes" layout, my approach was far more interesting and i didn't cop out and do what most are doing.... how about that.... and this guy graduated from Cooper Union and had Milton Glaser and Paul Rand as professors, PLUS he is a manager at CHANEL!! So take that !!!! nanee nanee ... my 2nd lesson learned for the day....

Life is.....Frustration!!!!! Arrrggggh, but don't let it get you down. Just keep on keeping on... lol

So, a lil Napoleon should brighten my day....




Napoleon Dynamit!


Napoleon Dynamit pumps Aaza's day... Vote for Aaza!

Peace and understanding
Aaza

He Cheated...The Cycles of Life...Its OK to be angry

Over the past year, my life has taken a major detour. After O cheated and moved in with her, i was hurt, bitter, and VERY fucking confused; I was angry, sad, & questioning my worth. Basically i was going through and still am going through all the wonderful wonders of life. But then,i realized that that was just one cylce of my life and that it was NECCESSARY for it to end for me to grow. Once i became aware of this i became more aware of the connectedness of life patterns and all of its coincidences and wonders. One thing i've come to believe/understand is that everything that happens to us, in some shape or form, has been set out by your subconsious as lessons for us to learn from. I have not yet decided if i am a believer of past lives, but i would like to think that if its valid, that we are all energy, and once our physical is deceased, our soul/energy remembers all our past experiences and plans out the lessons that we must learn in our future physical incarnation. I feel that once we realize our lessons, the floods of awareness flow through your body like an orgasm from life consciousness... Be forwarned, you will almost become an addict once you pay note to the explosions that occur in your mind. Always wanting to know more, wanting to understand more, wanting to be more aware of the idea of the "Meaning" of existence, which is really to just exist.

I've made such a major leap towards my self growth and im loving it!... Im still hurt and angry, because its a bit frustrating to know that someone I spent 9yrs with, no longer exist in my eyes; But you know what, its ok to be angry and sad... that is what life is all about/filled with, for without the taste of anger and sadness we would not be able to defrentiate it from happiness. And why would you like to know only happiness... There would be no desire to learn more and see more and teach more... and understand more. So its ok that i am sad and angry, as long as its acknowledged and know that this anger and sadness shall pass... this i know....I am learning how to let go of dead energy only because i HAVE to, to live the life,love, new heartaches, and new kissses thats getting ready to blow my world away!

Note: "A fools gold only shines but for a second in time... While a true stone last forever in time." ----Aaza

Forgiveness:
In order for me to let go and accept pain, happiness, death, and my rebirth, i must forgive:

I've forgiven my heartaches, losses, & past misfortunes
I forgive myself for thinking being angry was wrong(its only a part of life)
I forgive O for his dishonesty
I forgive myself for not understand that O is who he is and not what i would like him to be
I forgive myself for not being the mother that i wanted to be
I forgive myself for thinking that i am not the mother that i should be
I forgive myself for years of low self esteem
I forgive myself for thinking that i could not stand on my own
I forgive myself for clinging on to something that died years ago
I forgive myself for taking so long to sincerely smile at my beauty!

Past Life Forgiveness:
I forgive my past soul/energy for allowing myself to get hurt because of my opinions.(i suspect that i've made connections with one of my past lives... could be all in my head, but the coincidences of life sometimes can be quite alarming)

Animal Spirit:
If you are aware of your surroundings like shadows and light and imageries that are constant in your life, you can actually connect the lessons that you've put out for yourself. I recently discovered my animal spirit for this new cycle of life that i have entered....

What's Your's? Click hereto find out.
Note: You can't choose it, it chooses you.
Connect the shadows, light, imageries
and be aware of your dreams.

ROTATION ON THE TUNES:

THE NOISETTES-- HEAVY ROTATION IN MY TUNES!!!! THE WHOLE FRIGGIN ALBUM!!!!! SHE IS MY WARRIOR GODDESS AND THEY ARE HER WARRIORS!!!

http://www.thenoisettes.com/

Bloc Party-- Prayer / Hunting for Witches
Mika- Grace Kelly
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings-- Natural Born Lover
Amy Winehouse--- You know im no good
Lilly Allen --- Alfie
The Police-- Bring on the Night / Invisible Sun
Radiohead--Lucky / talk show host
Shuggie Ottis--- Strawberry Letter 23
Joni Mitchel - Help Me
SRCP--- Feel the base
Led Zeppelin-- When the Levee Breaks / Immigrant Song
Gil and Jorge--- Nega
Steely Dan-- The Royal Scam
Nancy Sinatra- Bang Bang
Janis Joplin-- Cry Baby
Dawn Penn-- No No No
Bob James-- Nautilus
George Benson--- Give me the night
Patrice Rushen- Haven't you heard
Grace Jones--- My Jamaican Guy
The Darkness--- I believe in a thing called love
Jet--- R u gonna go my way
Jimmi Hendrix--- Voodoo Child / Angel
Jackson Browne- Somebody's Baby
Fleetwood Mac--- Dreams
The Knack--- My Sharona
The Prigs-- Glass Slipper Shoes
Royksop--- Remind Me
Rolling Stones-- Miss You
Nucleus-- Jam on it
James Brown--- The Payback


Ok, thats it for now, but there is so much more!!!!!!
Peace and Understanding....

Aaza