Was i hypnotized?

So i went to see a hypnotherapist today. I was somewhat excited about being hypnotized. As you all may or may not know, i have a problem with words. So i thought i'd try hypnosis to maybe get to the root of the problem. I tried a psychotherapist but for some reason, maybe due to the fact that they cost too much, or, maybe i felt they were causing extra issues in my already screwed up mental, i always end up ending the relationship before it got too deep. For the past few weeks, my communication issue has been a major problem for me especially now that i am in school and expressing myself verbally is key in all of my classes. My Art History teacher told me i have a problem articulating what i want to say, and i thought to myself, FINALLY!!!!!! Someone is finally honest with me. Although i was crushed, i realized i had a major problem and it needed to be handled immediately. So After seeing two therapists, and a few psychics, i decided to see a hypnotherapist. I walked into the office today and i was immediately relaxed by the dim lights and the new age ambiance of the space. Budha, Stones, Flowing water, and incense burning. I thought wow, i am going to finally face the root of my problem and pluck it out of me today and begin a new outlook on life. The therapist was a real comforting and intellectual woman. I felt very relaxed around her and wanted to tell her so much about me. She sat me down on the "COUCH" and placed a headphone on my head and a pair of opaque glasses with flickering red lights. The session was interesting. Lots of suggestions, and my body was almost numb. But i was fully aware of everything. There was one point when i lost control and cried hard, but im not sure... i think it was just me wanting to release some tension... Her voice was very comforting and really was so clear that it felt as if it became a part of my psyche. Her voice felt as though she was in my head, and i felt to weightless and the only thing that was holding me was her voice. To be honest.... I think that was the most interesting thing that happened in the session... She tried to get to the root of my problem, but i think the problem with me was that her suggestions were as though they were forced and that is one thing i can not deal with. I can't deal with someone telling me what to do with my emotions, and telling them what i feel. We supposedly went back to my childhood, but i think i was making shit up in my head just to move it along.... LOL... So the session ended and i felt like i accomplished nothing.... Although i did feel very relaxed.

So, im not sure whether i was hypnotized or not. I mean i remember everything, there were no time lapse and they took a chunk load of money out of my pocket which pissed me off.....LOL.... The only thing is, for the rest of the day, i was super emotional....

I wonder if i will feel the effects of this session, but how could i if i was not hypnotized, or was i???? Time will tell.... She did ask me to come back for another session.


Open your mind to the endless possibilities of expression.
Peace and Understanding
Aaza

Words and I...

are sworn enemies... and it has always been that way. That seems to be one of the main issues that i face in my daily life. Where does it stem from??? I wish i knew. I wish i knew the exact spot where that thorn seems to be deeply imbedded in my psyche so i wont have to feel like such a retard when i talk to people. It literally feels like my brain tightens up when i know there is a focus on every single word that i am saying. My friend says that i have performance anxiety and the best way to get over that fear is to write constantly.... So as hard as it is to keep up with a blog, ill be forcing myself to write every day for practice. Hopefully in the next few weeks, i should see a change in the way i socialize with people critically.


Read up on the artist.

Open your mind to the endless possibilities of expression.
Peace and Understanding
Aaza

Loosing Yourself

I once told someone not so long ago to not loose herself in others, as i had realized that i'd lost myself foolishly in love, and gathering the pieces back together can be somewhat time consuming and problematic. I think the proper use of forgiveness is something that is at times overlooked.... whether it is given in abundance or not at all, i think we should analyze what forgiving is and how to properly use it in order to heal yourself from any hurt that one may have imposed upon you. We sometimes tend to think that forgiveness in others is a sign of a kind and strong heart... But that is not always true... My adopted grandmother once told me that i should always be number 1 in my book... no matter how much you love someone, remember to love yourself more! and that is not being selfish, its being a strong individual; knowing what you will and what you wont stand for.  I didn't put myself first, and didn't love myself enough to realize that i had lost myself.  My dependencies on an individual was so strong that i didn't know when to say enough and walk away...nor did i want to. So i forgave in abundance. I believed that if you were in love, then the act of forgiving was the key element to a strong bond between you and your partner. I had also been on the other end of forgiving and felt somewhat obligated to return the favor.  I locked myself in a perpetual cycle that was damaging to my mental well being. I often found myself tearing over the same apologies and promises and when i realized that YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE ANYONE, it was too late. I had been used up and thrown aside, alone to fend for my heart ache.

No matter how hard you try and no matter how much your partner knows that they've hurt you, change is a cry that is never heard. Once an individual reaches a certain age, their pattern is embedded in their being and the only change that is possible, is for you to walk away!!! The problem is that love is a force to be reckoned with and it can surely blind someone for a long period of time. My case, 10 years! This blinding light is what makes you loose yourself. You've thrown caution to the wind, gathered all that you want to see, and left the warning signs behind. And while your being manipulated, you think its love, and your kind act of forgiving.

To loose yourself in someone can truly be heartbreaking, because like me, it can take years before you realize it and years before you put the pieces back together after the fantasy has been shattered.

NEVER LOOSE YOURSELF IN OTHERS!!!! hold fast to who you are and always make yourself number in your book. Know what you will and wont stand for!!! Know what love and respect is!!! Know that you always deserve the best and no less!!!

As for the individual i told not to loose herself.... well.... when the light dims, just remember to have a good emotional support system.



Open your eyes to light and form, and self beauty

ROSE QUARTZ: Pink quartz (rose quartz) allows you to be in touch with your basic self. It will allow you to get to know your true self and to love that true self in all its beauty.

Peace and Understanding
Aaza