"Dreams"

So yeah, i've been jotting down my dreams lately. The more i write, the more i remember... and it's been consistent lately, and decoding them has been interesting and has given me a new tool (myself and my spirit guides) to reference when I'm in need of guidance. I will share a dream that i had last night with you.

IN MY APARTMENT
1--found a dead stiff cat that softened up and morphed into a mouse---The resilience of the cat(cat softening up and becoming alive) represents inner strength and tenacity(that is in me but am not paying attention to).

2--The dead mouse became alive slowly and ran under my bed, in which i start to look for and became upset because i hated the fact that i just knew that its going to die and stink up my apartment---Mouse represents fear, lack of assertiveness( afraid to move forward... need to stop being hard on myself and be more assertive) the interesting thing is that for a few hours i kept thinking MICE and that represents domestic problems that is given too much time and attention to. The fact that the mouse/mice was dead represents the need for my personal problem and domestic problem to resolve. Being that the mouse became alive is me not being able to let go of the past...so this is a warning. The fact that i know its going to die represents me knowing that the inner pain that i am enduring will all past, but i have to learn to let go or it will stagnate me from moving forward and stink up my inner home)So This symbol is a dual representation, telling me that i need to move on from the past and know that i will succeed and to not be afraid.

3--I began to look for the mouse under my bed and under my couch but found a stack of books---To see books in a dream, indicates calmness advancement towards your goals at a slow and steady pace. Books also symbolize knowledge, intellect, information and wisdom. (overcoming my past and learning from that experience, overcoming my dyslexia and to not give up on my ballet because i will get better at my own pace)

So like Haitian V... datz it men... i c u laeta..peace and we taken it to deh tap tap :-D

Pay attention to your dreams and write them down as soon as you remember them
Aaza

"Playlist"

I created a playlist last night and listened to it all day today. Its amazing how the things you create, as simple as it may be, boost your emotional state. I felt somewhat inspired and hopeful today. It may also have something to do with the weather. It was super humid today. But the heat made me so aware of the fact that i am living and surviving independently. That there is so much more to my life here on earth, that there is so much more to learn and so much more to accomplish... and that life is actually just beginning for me. I have dreams these days, dreams that i am remembering. Every morning when i wake up, I write them down and try to decode them. The more i write, the more conscious I am of every living moment in my life and when you are in that state of mind, after many a trials and tribulations, it's as if it's a sign that you've reached the end of a life cycle and it's just a matter of a few steps ahead to open the door to a new beginning.

...Life presents itself in its most ominous hours. When one chooses the road less traveled or the road that meanders into hidden corners, stay focused because at the end there will be so many inner journeys to share with the self and with those looking for guidance...Aaza

"Ballet"

Took my first ballet class in years today... I felt like an idiot. While everyone in the class had their shit together, i was looking around dumbfounded. Didn't know my left from my right... didn't know a Chassé from a Pas de Bouré. But placing my hands on the barre made me so nostalgic. Made me really regret ever walking out on my first love. Don't know if she'll accept me back into her world of melody in motion... I cried when i left the class... This was something that i knew how to do in my sleep... I was always top of the class. There would be photographers that would come in and take pictures of me in class because i was that good... and then... i dropped it... Beacause i was mad... mad at my mother for not caring, mad at my father for leaving and mad at myself for what reason, still to this day escapes me... My instructors were mad and sad... but i'm sure they knew that i would reach this day...today... regretting that day that i said goodbye... The moves were so foreign to my body... i cried... i cried so hard and i could not believe that i cried... on the steps of of an apartment building... I called my sister because i needed an ear... I cried and cried until she said "you can not live in the past... you can not let the past control you... YOU MUST NOT LIVE IN REGRET because that will be your downfall... Once you live in regret, you will never be able to see what it is that we have gained from your experiences... and you will never be able to see the beauty and talent that is within you." This goes far beyond my regrets for leaving Ballet.

Thanks sis

...Life presents itself in its most ominous hours. When one chooses the road less traveled or the road that meanders into hidden corners, stay focused because at the end there will be so many inner journeys to share with the self and with those looking for guidance...Aaza

"Changes and Growth!"

It is so important to acknowledge the changes in your life. It is so important to know that the acknowledgement of changes in your life is the crossroad to progress or regress. My brother asked me the other day "At what point do we grow up?" I thought for a moment and realized i was at my crossroad. This simple and unassuming question held so much weight to my life and for it to present itself at this point, stood as a deciding factor to which road i will decide to continue my journey on. I replied "no one knows exactly the exact point in time when you grow up because it changes... its a matter of personal experiences... When you gain a certain level of awareness from life lessons or obstacles, that is when you can claim a certain level of growth, but from that experience alone, because before you know it, you're facing another obstacle or lesson... As long as you are living life and learning, you're growing."
"Great answer, but when do you choose to grow up... Experience does not mean you're grown."
I replied, "You choose to grow up when you acknowledge what it is that you've learned and move on from it. No, experiences does not necessarily constitute growth... it's what you do with the acknowledgement that dictates your growth." And i pondered on my own response for quite some time... The road ahead is lonely and hard... but no one ever said that growing up was going to be easy...

...Life presents itself in its most ominous hours. When one chooses the road less traveled or the road that meanders into hidden corners, stay focused because at the end there will be so many inner journeys to share with the self and with those looking for guidance...Aaza

"...My Arms Around You"

Are words necessary??





passion runs deep
Aaza

"UGZ are UGly!!!!!!"

UGZ(like the ones below) are truly the ugliest boots ever designed. if anyone has them i would have to think that they've fallen victim to the "gotta have it" rule. People who follow unimportant, unspoken and illusionary rules negate any free will and opinions and bear no arms to be subversive. So, anyone who's been a victim of the "gotta have it rule: UGZ", my deepest sympathy. It's not that you are not smart or can't think on your own. It's just you became disillusioned into thinking these boots are dope because celebrities(a stand in symbol for hypnotic influences) themselves have fallen prey to that rule and they are our gods... aren't they??? Its ok. I understand. I myself fall prey to that rule at times... But come on people!!!... I mean for real yo?!!!! UGZ!!! They are HIDEOUS!!! The design is highly based off of the famous moccasins and Eskimo boots, but this is where the proverbial if it ain't broke dont try to fix really comes into play. Resistance was futile. You're sponge-like mind sucked it all in and UGZ went in for the kill. Autonomous decision making was foreign to you due to the UGly UGZ seeping into your subconscious, and waited for its attack. It popped everywhere! On celebrities, on TV, on magazines and then it hit the streets. There was no escape(well not for some people). Ever see attack of the body snatchers? It was like that. Only a few were able to escape. Man... UGZ got a superlative PR!!!! But you ain't getting me budinski..... I crossed that highway and its just a matter of time before the walking conscious prepare for their attack!!!!

"These boots wouldn't be hot if they were on fire!!!"(Nunet said that ;-))

But hey, that's just my opinion.... guess I'm just perverse...but, whatcha gonna do when ya gotta say something???



Aaza

"Why Misery Love Company"

An article i found to be interesting and helpful for ones peregrination (new word..heehee) through life.

Here is a link on Why Misery Love Company" by Cary Tennis

Thank you Cary for the advice. Duly noted.

Aaza

"2 girls, 1 cup, and Haitian V"

Ok by now the world has had its fill of 2 girls and 1 cup... Thank you Marco Fiorito for disgusting the world for many years to come. So there has been many reaction videos that were somewhat funny and some just plain ole boring... But ah ha my friends, I will give the award for best reaction to 2 girls and 1 cup to my Haitian Brethren and gut busting funny guy, Haitian V.... I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!! Keep me laughing!

Ladies and gentlemen, i give you Haitian V


Whats happen... funny man Haitian V sey #1 sta takin it to de tap tap!
Aaza

"Dyslexia"

For as long as i can remember, i have always had problems with words. I always felt like a complete idiot when i talked to people because i would always find myself struggling, trying to find or remember the words that i want to use and always associated this feeling with Anxieties. A couple of weeks, I came across an article on Dyslexia and found it interesting that the symptoms they listed were exactly like the issues that i deal with on a daily basis. I always thought Dyslexia was a visual thing with the reversal of letters and numbers, never thinking that it could affect verbal communication that makes it hard to retrieve words at the right time, hard to connect words and screws you over with grammar. A few days ago, i registered for a public speaking class to help alleviate my anxieties. I told the instructor the the problems that i encounter daily, and the first thing he said was, "that sounds like Dyslexia". He said that i should continue taking the class and get myself tested. My brother is Dyslexic and statistics state that if a family member is Dyslexic, it is highly probable that another member is Dyslexic. I spoke to my brother about it and told him what i go through and he said "wow, that is exactly what i went through". He mentioned a few strategies to overcome this. Although the adult mind is deeply programmed and is said that it is hard to overcome Dyslexia in adulthood, my brother says that i can totally overcome this. I have to say, this is like a breath of fresh air. I feel like i have found the holy grail. It is so frustrating to know that i have a problem and to mention it to people for them to say, no i don't think you have a problem when i know in my gut, something is wrong. The biggest frustration was not knowing what the problem was and so therefore i was not able to fight the problem. But now, i feel like I'm gathering up my warriors to help combat this problem... and i will be victorious...... I am Dyslexic

Here is a link on Dyslexia

I process thoughts differently.... kinda makes me a genius (wink wink) like Einstein and Da Vinci(both Dyslexics)

Aaza

"Whole New Generation"

Another one ya'll!!! Michael Jackson + Pepsi = Commercial Classic!!

REFRESHING!!

How beautiful is design, music and advertising!
Aaza

"Title Opening"

One of the best title openings ever made!! Classic!!!! Down in history my friend, down in history.... Saul Bass would be proud! Yes Kubrick, you too... you too...


REFRESHING!!

How beautiful is design
Aaza

Can't you see i'm tired...pt 1

can't you see i'm tired...
i've been dragging my sorrows in a brown paper bag
but the bag ain't strong enough to keep them in.
They keep falling through a hole that i can't sew back up.
maybe i don't want to sew it back up.
Can't you see I'm tired of carying this bag.
it got so heavy and my shoulder feel like its breaking.

but...maybe its cuz of the floor...thats where
i've been resting my body these nights.
bed too big ... bed too cold.
have dreams i scream to get out of.
can't even escape there.
mind can't rest...tryna to make sense of these damn sorrows.
Them sorrows in my bag.
just can't make out the power they have over me.
they're so heavy...that hole is getting bigger.
Bag not strong enough.
shit.... hole ain't big enough.

Can't you see im tired.
its been years since i last felt any sense of mental peace.
the ramblings... ever been in a room alone and feeling like
your mind getting ready to explode cuz it wont leave you be ?
thats them sorrows.
pulling and tugging at the core of of every string of your being.
not letting go for one second. One fucking second.
them sorrows torture you in your dreams... they laugh, they mock
they tug, they pull...make you scream yourself out of your dream.
heart beats fast, eyes wont stop moving, looking around, making sure
you still where you left your conscious... cuz that fucking dream dun scared
you so much you don't want to go there no more... them sorrows...
bags getting heavy.... how much more can it hold before it splits
completely open, leaving me to deal with the shit i spilled.

open your eyes to heal thyself.
Peace and Understanding
Aaza

Sociopath

I recently accepted the fact that i had been in love with a Sociopath for the past 11 years. I suspected that he was one, but received total confirmation recently. It is a tough thing to swallow... to realize that you had been duped all those years, and that everything that you lived for and cared for was all an illusion. Its hard to accept this, because you don't want to believe that you were that easy of a prey and don't want to accept that you've wasted those years on someone who only saw you as a target. Sociopaths are the best of charmers, supporters, romancers, and they will have you believe that you mean the world to them, until they slip and start to show their true selves too many times and you start to realize that they are only concerned with the betterment of their own comfort with an irrepressible disposition to want to control whatever it is that they are out for, whether it be money, sex, or just control over you. What's disconcerting is that when you finally realize that you have been manipulated into an illusionary relationship and have been victim, you probably will have been used up and left alone feeling lost, confused, hurt and finding yourself having a difficult time getting a sense of reality for a long time... The best thing to do when you've come to this awareness, is to completely cut them out of your life. Hard as it may be, especially if there is a child, keep the sociopath out of your life because they will try anything to try to sneak back in for further manipulation. And if they don't get exactly what they want, they'll make everyone else think that you are crazy. So, DON'T TALK TO THEM, DON'T TALK ABOUT THEM, DON'T DEAL WITH THEM. That is the only solution to finding yourself!!!

Here is link on Sociopaths

open your eyes to heal thyself.
Peace and Understanding
Aaza

"The PowerS of Ten"

Did you know that outer space is only 3 degrees above Absolute Zero and thats because of the heat left over from the "Big Bang"? (well...thats what scientist say.)

FROM NOVA: At roughly minus 460 F, absolute zero is abysmally cold, yet at least we can imagine it. Being only a few hundred degrees below zero, it's in the realm of something we can put our minds around. This is not true of the opposite of absolute zero, the theoretical highest possible temperature. In conventional physics, this is approximately 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 degrees. In the interactive link below, get a taste of temperatures from absolute zero to absolute hot, and see why, for instance, even the core of the sun is relatively "chilly" compared to what many physicists believe the temperature of the universe was an instant after the Big Bang.—Glenn Elert

Launch interactive from this page

CHECK OUT THE BEST FINDING IN YOUTUBE.COM! THE POWERS OF TEN!

REFRESHING!!

Understanding and Awareness
Aaza

My birth

Went to see my mother today for Mothers day. At dinner we reminisced over my childhood that was filled with laughter. Always in the Museum, always laughing, always performing, always baking... fun times. She even told Nunet the story of how i was born. "Arabelle" she began "caused so much commotion when she was born because she was born with a veil, the amniotic sac, all over her. They say when a child is born with this veil, they are mysterious, blessed and lucky and are meant to be great. Everybody in the hospital wanted to see the baby because this type of birth is rare." When she told this story, man, it felt as if there was a mental shift. I had heard this story may times before, but to hear it at time when i felt like i was nowhere and off track, sort of jolted my spirit back to awareness. Yes it is only a myth, but just that, knowing that at birth i caused a commotion made me realize there is power at the tip of my fingers and that it should be applied to achieve greatness and so, it shall..

open your eyes to the powers within.... The force is deep within....
Peace and Understanding
Aaza

The Universe always answers

I've been in a mental space lately that has had me in an emotional rollercoaster and it seemed that at the end of my cries and mental tantrums all that i'd beg for would be a hug. Its so amazing how the Universe always seem to provide what you put out there. Tonight a friend of mine and i went to a contact improv class. It was the first time that i went to that location and it was the first time in months that i danced. The instructor happened to be a friend of my Ex F.C (who by the way is one of the most amazing person i have ever come across... love him dearly) The class was pretty empty.. Just her, my friend and i. We danced till my friend left. When it was just the two of us... my body went crazy... we talked and i told her what i had been going through and she said talk with your body... and i did... i let it all out.... i cried and pounced, i fell to the ground, i screamed and i said... no more....its over... no more...no more.... and then she hugged me. I guess i needed to dance those emotions out.

Thank you Michelle.

open your eyes to what holds you back and know that its release is one of the most amazing feeling one can ever experience.
Peace and Understanding
Aaza

"It is time"

things change
eyes blink
i'm on a spec
wishing for one second that i can just sink

flowers die
bells ring
im digging deep
hoping my spec can soak the mess that im in

no ties
just goodbyes
and im taking my pride
boxed and dried
across the scars
beyond the wars

moon lights
trees sway
im on a spec
wishing the wind would just blow my way

no shades
air's still
and when i wake
ill pinch the fight away to make me real

no ties
just goodbyes
and im taking my pride
boxed and dried
across the scars
beyond the wars

goodnight to memories
they're left in the trees
goodnight to the past
for nothing ever really lasts

Aaza
"There is always an Escape... You know it... What's the Escape?" quote from the movie "Redbelt"